Tags: personal


don't stand so close to me lite

i feel that as of late my writing has been akin to that of an angsty whiny teenager who listens to too much My Chemical Romance and occasionally scratches his wrists with a razor blade in order to feel "something...anything."

so. so so so. i think it's high time for me to look at the bright side of things again and search out that glimmer of hope in this ocean of misery, and i must say, my friends, that i have found it. it is called NUMBALIKDIWA, and you can still catch it tonight (monday),930pm in SM North Edsa, tomorrow (tuesday) 930pm in Mall of Asia and Wednesday 7pm in SM Megamall.

the film was written and directed by one of my most prized students, mr. Bobby Bonifacio, who made the excellent musical romantic comedy "Kapag Tumibok Ang Puso" and went on to make the shorts "Bulong Sa Kawalan" and "Muling Tumibok Ang Puso". He also did the vid for Mojofly's "Minamalas" and was the real creative force behind my favorite video and yours, Cueshe's "24 Hours". With this film, however, Bobby is at his best, telling the story of an ancient ritual where people absorb souls through cannibalism. The storytelling is gripping, the acting (most especially by our dear beloved pinggoy and meryll soriano) is superb, and the lighting and camera (by the great Dan Villegas) should definitely be commended for making DV look so damn good.

i'm gushing again, aren't i? forgive me. it's just that in all my years of working, there's really only one thing that has never disappointed me, and that's my students. i remember telling my last class that every thing i've been doing workwise just makes me feel useless, and that they're pretty much the only thing that inspires me creatively. i was surprised when i said it because it was so true. there is nothing more exhilarating than watching a guy who stumbled his way through your class make his first feature film, or learning that one of your students' projects went to Amsterdam. To have wide-eyed, always-reciting students like Wincy Ong and The Isaw Boys suddenly become your peers is the greatest of honors, and the fact that some of my favorite short films ever like "Lab", "Mahal Ko Si Direk" and "Seth The Destroyer" is just so... cool. And to be able to have working relationships with drywall, roziemeister and Dan and know that they've got your back... it's just pure love, man.

it's almost 6 am. i'm a bit too tired to mention all of you. there are just too many of you, and that's what's so great about it. whenever Mihk finds me depressed about work, he always says "it's ok. you still have friends." but the real reason i don't get that razor and start listening to Helena is this -- i know i have you guys, and if i fuck up i know at least one of you won't. and that's worth all this bullshit.

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breaking bad, heisenberg

finding family in the funniest flaces

i write this for you, Celine Willard, so that the next time you Google yourself the first thing you see won't be www.bizzaresexporn.com ;)

hooking up with long lost family members is always a good thing; realizing that you actually love them is even better. Celine Henares was the true firstborn among the Henares grandchildren. when their mother, Merce,had had it with my tito Ronnie she moved to the States, bringing her children with her. Celine was four at the time, I was three. the only time I saw her after that was during my grandmother's funeral when I was 12, but thanks to a very short stay on her part and the 'i-don't-want-to-talk-to-anyone' awkward teen angst on my part we didn't really get to talk.

last week, after 13 years of no contact, Celine came back for a short visit. she was practically a total stranger to me, and after her brother told me that she'd written off the Henares clan forever I didn't expect to ever see her again. I couldn't be happier I did, though. we hit it off right away, and I think a lot of it was borne out of a common disdain for our fathers. only a Henares can really understand what it's like to be a Henares, you see. the intrigue, the lies, the pervertedness; my friends have problems relating because it's hard enough believing that these things actually do happen.

and so the first time we sat down together to talk it was like we'd been doing this our whole lives; muttering asides to each other whenever our grandfather would make his grandiose claims, kicking each other under the table when her dad would invite us to his new talent's gig for the nth time, complimenting my uncle on his unbuttoned-down silk polo and big belt buckles while throwing her a subtle expression of repugnance as she smiles and gives a knowing look in return. i never like talking about familial issues with my younger cousins for fear that i might influence them, so it felt good unloading all of this to someone who not only understood, but felt the same way. we talked about other things, of course; like why she based her decision to move to Hawaii on a movie (guess which one) and why teleportation would be the best super power one could have. instantly Celine was, well, family. so much so that by the end of her stay we even shared a strange, unexplainable sense of protectiveness towards the Henareses. like "hey, no one can diss us but...us"

i texted this to her the other night and shortly after completing it, was surprised that it was one of the most sincere things i'd ever written in my life: "it was always fun being the eldest among the grandchildren, but at times i found myself wishing i had an ate. now i found one."

welcome to the family, queensleen.
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happy for years

shmartypants: oh my God we're four years.
me: yep.
shmartypants: do you realize what this means? if our relationship were a degree we would've graduated by now.
me: if we had a kid when we got together he'd be in kinder.
shmartypants: we could be doctors!
me: lawyers.

four years later and i still consider these stupid conversations the highlight of my day. that's love, i'm pretty sure.
breaking bad, heisenberg


by now i've seen your face from every possible angle yet for some reason i can't stop staring

new york, 2001

and though things just kind of flowed and there aren't any exact dates let's just celebrate the day it was clear i loved you

new york, 2004

happy 3 :)